the threads in her head

Definition of rain:
a. Water condensed from atmospheric vapor and falling in drops.
b. A fall of such water; a rainstorm.
c. The descent of such water.
d. Rainy weather.
e. Rains A rainy season.

“You lied to me.”
“Dear, it’s nothing really. I didn’t want you to be agitated you know.”
“You lied to me.”

The rain continued falling, drumming onto the ground. Wet and cold. But she didn’t care. She stood there, enjoying the feeling of how the rain hit her and ran off, how it nearly numbed her from everything, washing away her consciousness. That is, nearly.

Her boyfriend of one year stood before her, looking at her. His hair dyed an outrageous light blue; the jewellery he worn had only one intention, to shock. Spiked-bracelet, gothic-like dark clothing. She had accepted it all, tolerated it all.

And all this time, her boyfriend has actually been taking drugs. When he promised her he would stop. And he had constantly lied to her for money, to get his kick. Oh, her friends had tried to convince her alright. But she thought it was impossible for her boyfriend to lie to her, ignored all the obvious hints screaming at her for attention. That glazed look in his eyes, his fever. How could she have ignored such obvious signs?

She smiled to herself in the rain. Her boyfriend looked at her, a sign of obvious relief in his eyes. She started laughing. He laughed with her, a trace of confusion in his actions. His laugher sounded fake. Hollow. She abruptly stopped, as she realised that she had not been ignoring the signs. She just refused to believe it. And day after day, she had reasoned for him. She glanced at her boyfriend. He was still laughing, but a slow nervous laugh.

“You don’t even know what the joke is, do you?” she asked, acting casual.

How her heart pained, when she had gone to the joint he frequented so often, only to see him, with his so-called pals, getting high. She gave a slight shiver as he remembered the look in their eyes, that look of such hollow highness. Gazing at the notepaper in her hands, that little note that was slipped under her door, asking her to visit the bar, she contemplated about hating herself or whoever it was who slipped the note under the door. For her eyes has been opened to the truth. And she could never face anyone, never be able to face herself, if she denied the truth and let it slide.

“Oh baby, I didn’t know the joke, but you were laughing so happily. I just had to laugh too.”

At any other times, with any other person, she would have believed the other party was laughing with me because of the ‘joy’ evident in my face. But taking a step back in her mind, she realised how far they had drifted apart. Why, were they even close in the first place?

It was not joy in her face, but sorrow. It was this inane sorrow which made her laugh, laughing at her own absurdity and silliness. And it was obvious that he was lying, with his fingers fingering the edge of his jacket. He always did that when he lied. His mom told her once.

His jacket was the one she gave him for Christmas. That black smooth leather biker jacket. Rain was streaming down gently down it, like little snakes glinting black and silver. At other places, little rain droplets glistened. Almost like pearls. The pearl bracelet he gave to her.

“We’ve got to break up.”
“What?!” Shock was evident in his eyes. “But you love me. Baby, just forgive me this once. For our love?”
“It’s been once too many. Love is not mindlessly tolerating and denying the facts. I won’t be able to face myself anymore if I continue on with you. And… I’m not sorry. It’s over. Goodbye.”
The rain continued falling. Silver snakes and little droplets merged together to form puddles. And ripples grew wider and wider before disappearing.

Definition of rain:
The droplets of water that once affected a girl’s life, awoke her to sense, and acted as a witness to the decision she had made. And rain droplets continue to drop from her hair, down into puddles, forming ripples that ebbed out like a wave.