the threads in her head

Why do I keep a blog.

Because I have lots of things to say, but no one to say it to. I admit it, I like telling stories. I like recouting how my spectacles fell while I did my shuttle run, moan a little over not reaching the A grade for sit-ups when all I needed was two more sit-ups. I would like to recount I actually jumped the distance of 193cm. Which is a very big achievement for me, since I actually BROKE my own record. And it was interesting how I seemed to jump with so much ease when there was not mat with its big glaring numbers to scare me.

In fact I broke several records today. I'm happy. And I would like to share it.

This time there's no lack of right people. At the VERY least there's three. Somehow I'm not telling. Why? I fear that situation of no reply. Another "gtg". And I would love to tell another, but I don't know how to broach the topic somehow. And I'm not going into detail here, because lately even a blog can't satisfy it.

A simple conversation complicated by the threads of my mind.

Because to me it's not that simple.

Why is it that everytime I say something, I put my whole heart into it, practically offering it on a silver platter, vulnerable to hurt, to your lashings of harsh biting words. Why is it that empty gap of silence is able to suffocate my heart?

You were right to call me stupid.