the threads in her head

Like a sledgehammer to my heart.

You've hit it where it matters, where it hurt, where it's gonna to tremble and shake.

And it hurts, it hurts, IT HURTS.

I don't know why it hurts so much, how your words can affect me, how I am left stunned as the dearest of my fears are highlighted by your simple words. And an ache, a dull ache rises as I wonder how you seem to have changed and yet think of the same thing as me, and perhaps that's going to connect us, perhaps it isn't, and I'm not sure anymore.

You send me those invites asking me to join that network and I ignored it since there is no sign of something personal, something you thought out rather than a flippant let's just do it gesture. So I don't. But now I don't understand.

And it hurts so much, I don't understand why, I don't understand why.

I wish I could cry and just release it, but somehow the tears are not coming.