the threads in her head

Ah yes, let's make this a proper blog and jolt down all those thoughts that passes through my mind, and not write fiction for a while at any rate. Even if it does echoes, even if it does reflect, the art of writing has left me, the exhilaration that I once had at crafting is pretty much almost gone, because I am at the brink.

1.
The cat came to me! It felt good to stroke and feel that fur, and fondle, and let it walk round my legs, and about and around. And I think about that cat that I once always stroked every morning before I went to school, and what joy it was to see it come, and rub against my legs. And I also recall that huge white dog which I stroked and fondled, and I realised with a pang how much I've missed all these.

2.
I carried her! Oh cute little baby. She squirmed, and I had to put her down in the end, but to be able to even carry her for a few seconds was wonderful. Such a beautiful celebration of life. And once again I think to myself, little kids, little kids are so so so beautiful.
And then another little girl pesters me to play badminton with her, and pout and make faces and do puppy eyes and start whining until I give in, and she tries my patience, oh yes she does! But your heart can't help but soften.. and you give in.

3.
He noticed! He asked, and we laughed together at my stupidity, and it felt nice, real nice to have someone attentive and caring, and that's all I need, that's good enugh for me. He's not that bad, I think to myself.
Then again... I have always knew that, and so it was not unexpected. But just nice, real nice, and really sweet and kind of him. I walked back with him, just to make the moment last a bit longer.
And it did.

4.
I climbed over the gate! Was probably captured on the school's cctv camera. Some smart move. But it was my first time.
This time, if the school reports back and pastor tells us about it I shall be the one in the wrong. Which would be rather refreshing.
Then again lately, she has caught me in the wrong. Not that she wants to make me feel guilty, but just to make me think. And I do. Does saying that I just came along with my parents an excuse or not?
At any rate I climbed over the gate.