the threads in her head

The wind whistles.

I have not felt this good for a VERY long time.

Alone alone!, zooming down a lonely road. Waiting waiting, for the van to come roaring by, and thinking, whether I'll be able to control myself well enough, or would nerves give way and cause me to swerve. This IS the brink. And I'm looking down at that big yawning abyss, and this is my thoughts manifested physically around me. To think few days back I was standing at the abyss in my mind, and a few days later, (now!) I am facing a physical one!

And I survive, I managed to stay at the side of the road, and the van passes by, and it amuses me greatly that if I did not pass this test I might not have had another chance. But I've passed! The van chortles on its merry way on, and it seems befitting for it to pass, and leave me once again alone on my lonely road.

If I can do it once I can do it again. Is that not always the thought? Even though life is full of its unpredictabilities, and even the most experienced can get knocked out of the game. But this is my moment, this is the moment I shall not care, but laugh with full gaiety. So zoom zoom zoom! and let thoughts run wild, and see tame stray dogs, and crash into the bushes and laugh, because you are alone and no one sees, and pick yourself up, and feel the tremble in your legs and laugh again.

And it feels good; savouring the feeling of loneness, climbing up by yourself. To deny help from anyone else, to brush away the soil yourself, to go on sailing into your own world, to cruise down the slopes and feel that sweet whistle of swift wind passing by your face, and all around is but a delicious whir of green for your senses pleasure, and I tremble, I tremble at the immense greatness of it all. How sweet, how sweet all of this is, this rush of exhilaration, an ecstasy of all my physical senses

AND I AM FREE FROM THOUGHTS FOR A MOMENT. The world spins and spins and spins, and I see a familiar white bird, so dear to my heart, and so often lovingly seen before, and I braked, and go forward, and bend down and I properly look at my wounds for once, and they're all just skin-deep wounds.

I can't decide, whether a really bleeding gash would have been a better memento of the fall I've taken. Or is it just better for me to escape with temporal wounds?

I see people with scars on the back of their hands, and I think to myself, these are people with stories to tell! And I think about the time my cousin accidentally struck the penknife into her leg, and how she said she didn't even realise it at first, and didn't even realise that pain had sunk in, that she felt no pain at first.

Was it due to the body feeling so much shock that it numbed it all? Or was it just the nerves in so much shock it took a while to convey the message?

No, perhaps I should not be asking that, but just this: "Can I handle a scar?"

But for now, the wind just whistles.

And I'm thinking, I should go try it again.