the threads in her head

I remember calming down hysterical people.

I remember seeing my friend, my classmate, banging her head on her table again and again, despite pleas to stop, just again and again and again. My classmates somehow turned to me, and I had to go forward, hold her back, just hold her back, and reassure her with comforting words, repeating that it's all right, it's ok, everything's fine, she don't have to do this, over and over again, until she stopped resisting, until she was calm.

No one spoke of the issue afterwards. And sometimes it's really just a scrap of memory, something which I hardly remember.

And then there was secondary two. A lousy math teacher along with screwed up ideas and plans, and a tough math paper. I remember the whole class crying, girls running to the toilet blindly, face red, tears streaming. Sniffling sounds, bowed heads, hands to faces. I remember forcing back my tears. Our form teacher was pissed, very, an ugly scowl on his face. He was not prepared for this sight. He asked me to get the girls back, pronto.

I did. Went back to the washroom, patting them, telling them to get back to class. The same repeats and murmurs of never mind. Never mind. Let's get back to class. Our teacher wants us back. Stop crying now. It's going to be ok.

Then there was the girl with red glasses. Thick lenses. A smart girl. She was going to migrate, soon. And suddenly it was too much for her. She was peevish, close to tears, for no good reason. And she started blaming her glasses. It's so blur! It's so terrible. It's like there's an oily film on it. I don't replace my glasses see. Every time I need to get a new prescription they coat it with some more layers. And it's so foggy.

I sat with her, throwing out every single consolation I could think of. Get new glasses then. Contact lens perhaps? Tell your parents, I'm sure they would understand. Don't worry too much yea. Just wear it now for one more day.

And then there are times when I've been in tears myself. A flunked paper. A teacher's words - "you'll have to quit". Short bursts of sudden tears. And lately peevishness, a general irritated mood.

Now tell me, what is strength.