the threads in her head

I want your voice-

Dead mute feelings, with words the only living fossil of what once-was. But perhaps that's only for me. Because when I read your words they explode in my mind, so intensely private and yet so quirky. Now that's your own, that's your personal voice.

And I want it.

You're toying with me, maybe. What have you gone through? I'm not sure whether you really experienced those feelings. Is it just a mastery of the English language? Have you just been influenced by books? Or... or, is it really something that you really really have went through.

I want your voice. Teach me how will you? Bring me up onto your plane. I'm sick of being down here. I see you up there on a pedestal, and I want to be with you. Teach me please. I'm holding my hands up to you - take me, take me, pull me up!

I am dying here.

My own voice is killing and smothering me. I've stayed up late nights but they stay a monotonous straight line, words that don't make my heart quiver and shake, that don't send explosions up into my mind, that are but a jumble of one, or two, or three ideas. Bland and tepid - lukewarm water.

But yours, yours is different. Your world seems to rock so, a world of constant flux hanging so precariously by a thread that seems as if it would break any moment - but it doesn't. It sways, slowly at times, violently at others, but that delicate thread holds it there, an equilibrium that defies all rules.

An equilibrium that should not exist.

But, it does.

Tell me how you write like that, those episodic recounts of frozen moments. So very, very, unnervingly intense - I should be glad at times, that you only type in short lines, short passages, for that intensity will take me, envelope me, drag me down to very depths of it all. But, but, deep inside me that inane lust to drown is strong. Give me a book of your words. Let me drown, if I cannot learn how to write like you.

Maybe it's better this way. Perhaps when I reach that white marbled pedestal I'll see that it's not all it seems to be. Aye, aye, just let me drown in your words.

Take me.