August-

The glint of raindrops on windows catches my eye, like the sudden sparkle of a hidden diamond that lies deep among some stone, with only one facet of it exposed. But alas, while the sparkle of a diamond speaks of hopes and beauty revealed, the snaky trail of a raindrop sliding down the vertical surface of the window pane only indicates the heavy storm, the lashing of angry raindrops upon the now, grey and dark earth. Passionate grey maidens high up in the sky weeps their violent tears, heavy and forceful, unleashing their anguish to the world below.

And like a comforting friend the earth stands still, quiet and supportive, allowing the wrathful rants plummet deep into its very core. Shaken and troubled on the inside, as frail and helpless, but it allows those heavy curses crash deep into it. It rights itself, steadying, keeping that upright posture. Only the ruffled waters reveal the turmoil, the clashing of chaos deep within.

I am but quiet too, looking on at this wild display. Though sheltered I am by huge structures of bricks and cement, the same whirlwind of emotions flow through my entire body, robbing it of vibrancy and previously known joys. It is almost comforting to look on at a display of sheer power and might, without any participation in it. A sudden gust of cold wind enters the room - my skin prickles, hairs on end as little goosebumps appear on my skin. An involuntary shiver runs down my spine.

But no one notices.

Trapped and confined by four walls, the mighty forces crash just a few metres outside, but the steady drone of an adult voice continues. Black ink on white board appears as the marker tip streaks across, first one stroke, then the other. Line by line, and letters appear, then to form words, which became sentences. So the strokes are seen as meaningless when looked at individually, but the entire picture comes to form something with meaning.

But does having meaning means it is meaningful?

I think of the wild dolphins that might be cruising along the waves a few thousand kilometers away. I think of the surfers, the sailors. But with a sudden pang I recall to mind the great distance that stretches out. Right now I am only here, in this classroom, securely on my seat. A big pink and grey bag lies at the foot of the table, but it contains no world of knowledge, only heavy piles of bound pages filled with symbols. It’s no time to rest yet.

Lack of sleep has had its toll on me. My head spins, and an occasional spasm of pain rocks my whole head at times. The desire to drop my head and close my eyes is strong, rocking my body with a power that could match the storm. I shake my heavy head, cringing at the pain it brings, but as dulling as the pain is, the sudden shock also renews me for a little while more. Only but a few minutes left to break-time. That’s when I can have my rest. That’s when I can seek momentary refuge.

Another shiver rocks my body as I sniff. I wish I had brought tissue. How cold can this get? Twenty-eight people in this one same room, but everyone caught up in their own little world. The girl sitting beside me is quietly writing away. Soft voices at another corner travel to my ear. Yes, they are living creatures with the same red liquid as mine flowing through their veins. The memory of a criticizing voice flows across my mind. Yes, they are living creatures with the capability to think.

The bell finally rings with its familiar tune. The teacher stops; I stand and give the commands to rise and greet. And this was it – break-time. A loud bright chatter fills the class, contrasting sharply with the gloom of the storm. I fish out my breakfast from my bag, and walk out of the classroom. The crashing sounds of rain hitting ground greet my ears.

I stand under shelter and wonder what it would be like to be out in this rain.

7th july last year-
(an sms exchange. it was a nice day.)

kor: booya. i demand to know how my one and only mei is feeling.

me: Cheered up by your sms =)

kor: physical well-being, i'm referring to! :D

me: Wah, don't want to tell. Later get denied of my job.

kor: stubbornness is one of the many qualities employers detest, with applicants showing such signs rejected at first sight.

me: Backache in the afternoon, and still hurting a little. But it was because I played a little volleyball yesterday and walked around a lot today conducting surveys I guess. Still easily tired, but I'm persisting on like the hardworking person I am and going about my tasks.

kor: mm i see. you really should take care of yourself. take a nice break when you have to, okay? and know your physical limits, please!

me: Yes kor. Waiting for the fireworks now!

kor: oh er you're at the rehearsals? haha, i was supposed to be a lifeguard there but i couldn't make it for many rehearsals. have fun, you.

-after a while-

me: Caught my fireworks =)

kor: describe. (5)

me: Bursts of brilliance. Explosions of white blue, red, green, yellow fairy dust, the sound of every launch rocking through your heart and seemingly a tangible force that goes around your heart, pushing and pulling. Boom boom boom and there are more and more of those brilliant lights, and then they are spreading out and further, beyond, and another second there are stars coming towards you, and the more they spread the more they seem to be coming towards you, closer and closer, nearer and nearer -are they going to come so close you can touch them- and the distance still rings with new and old booms, the world is lit alight with brilliance as the sparks sail with ease towards you - closer and closer, and closer! and EVEN closer; the booms have stopped as it soars nearer.. And then, all dissolve into the dark embrace of the night sky, there's the sound of clapping. The show has ended.

kor: what detail! but alas, what's that but sound of fury, and like a walking shadow, is a mere illusion with the trick of illumination

me: -aghast- what kind of kor is this to spoil his one and only mei's joy!

kor: it takes a realistic one, a person that's tangible and exists nowhere in the figment of imagination.
(few minutes later)
but when what remains is but a mash of combusted carbon, the beauty and art is, priceless.

me: Trying to redeem your awful act of making your mei fell from the clouds? =(

kor: fall, your grammar fails you. as the chinese saying goes, first bitter, then sweet. for others, like you, it's the other way round.

me: There, now you realise how deeply hurt she is - to have even made a grammar mistake - killjoy.

kor: i plead guilty to the murder of my mei's joy. what i would like to receive as punishment is to be able to cheer her up. how do you find the prospect of being in jc next year?

me: I don't really know what to think. It sounds exciting, activities-filled and all, but at the same time when you're still undecided about cca and subject choices and not feeling confident enough to even imagine taking your desired subjects it can be quite a headache and weight around your heart.

kor: mm what're you inclined towards? clubs and societies, sports or perf arts? humanities or the arts? how about the introduction of the opposite gender?

me: Humanities or the arts? Why wasn't science included? I might be more inclined to clubs and soceity, never really liked the audition part of performing arts, and as sporty as I look, my sport is nature rambles, or so I would like to think anyway. Introduction of opposite gender is a "so what". I'm not guy-shy, I don't have much prejudices against them, and I'm not going to date. End of story.

kor: freudian slip :/ i meant humanities or sciences - i guess i'm half-expecting you to go into humanities. mm at least you have a category to look at! mm i think it's the eating part that's most worrying, but that isn't for you, that's great! :D

me: You might want to uh, check your sms before you send. Fancy typing dating as eating... Yep we all know there might be girls crushing on you, and sending you love letters, so you can worry about it, and I'll try not to laugh too much. Mm, I'm inclined towards humans, but yea >< I don't feel good enough for it..

kor: o_O and grass is purple-striped. 'competence and calibre are not problems. the things to have are passion and a good attitude.

me: I'll keep that quote in mind. Ah, don't think it's that far-fetched kor, you can be quite charming. The charm of a diplomat in training ah. "he's cute!" which is a bit boo, cuz I want to remind your own and only mei, but oh well, that shall be life.

kor: who are you quoting! my nonexistent pet dog, is it? of course, a dog's master is always cute. i didn't get your last sentence, remind who of what?

me: Oops. Remain I mean.

I thought I had posted this before, but it turns out I haven't.

Written Valentine's Day last year.

We played on sun-kissed sand.

Warm, toasty warm dry sand tumbling in between our toes, as the lovely warm spread from toe to heart. The glorious evening sun outlining our silhouettes; and that full radiance and romance of it all seemingly at our heart, so very sweet, so very warm.

Laugher, chases around the sand, finding shells. Combing the sand meticulously for little pieces of art, those tiny tiny perfectly-shaped unbroken shells to show to you. Gently, gently stroking the surface, blowing the fine sand off. Turning round joyously, saying in almost a half-whisper of awe and wonder, "look what I found". Heads huddled together, a gentle sea breeze ruffling our hair.

Reverently placing all the little treasure into a small hole you dug. Hands gently smoothing sand back into the hole, a little soft pat at the end of it all after some deliberation. Stretching back up, looking at the expanse of glittering golds, purples and reds that stretch out before us, the sun low in the sky, big, bold. Feeling a presence of warmth around my hand as your fingers closed round mine.

It feels like the sun will shine on us forever.

"write me a cute poem"-

im a little robot, cute and hot
with metal skin and legs so short
a raspy voice with which i speak
and armour which you can never break

once i met a bright young girl
rebecca was her name, and within her
i saw such joy and happiness
i could not feel but helpless

for all i have is wit and will
but even then, but even still
no soul to speak, no life of mine;
at least i know a girl so kind!

credits to ratiopoem. thank you =)